


i will never leave you behind

by Aruhyunnie



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-25
Updated: 2017-08-25
Packaged: 2018-12-19 14:26:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11899653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aruhyunnie/pseuds/Aruhyunnie
Summary: everything started with insecurity.





	i will never leave you behind

**Author's Note:**

> i tried beta-ing myself this time, boo hoo, it will probably be bad anyway :gun:  
> s/o to myself for finally doing something as a warm-up, i'm proud. it might not be the best thing, but i actually put effort into this.
> 
> i couldn't find a title, send help
> 
> edit: i'm never editing something at 3 am ever again, jesus some of the mistakes were so obvious and i'm p sure i missed something.. argh

_Sleep Kyungsoo, sleep.._

Everything started with insecurity. Questions filled with worry plagued his sentences pushed away their usually lovely conversations without hesitation. Things changed and it certainly stressed him and his boyfriend out. Simple tasks like waking up felt like a chore, a heavy feeling bothering the older male every time he heard his alarm go off. Headache inducing days at work supported their stress, creating tension anytime and anywhere. It was a pain and everything started with his stupid insecurity.

Jongin, his boyfriend, was the walking definition of “dreamboat“, with his close to perfect body and his precious personality, his laugh filling the room with a pleasant feeling of comfort. To be fair, the latter was childish and sometimes plain weird, but all those things made him even more attractive and lovable for Kyungsoo. And all those features of the younger male made him so, so anxious with himself.

Kyungsoo wasn't perfect. He had no abs like Jongin, he wasn't as funny as his best friend Baekhyun and he wasn't the person other people loved and adored. Small and fragile, but also serious and passionate. Being the rather quiet, not outgoing type of person wasn't helpful in this kind of society which loved open and funny people, but even against all odds, he found him – Jongin. A boyfriend he never asked for, but lucky to get. Never in his life did he expect to find someone as nice as him and he might have slighlty regretted jumping into a new relationship so quickly after leaving his old love, but now all of that was forgotten. A relationship like was was something he always longed for, despite Jongin not being his perfect type.

Insecurity turned into much more fairly quickly. Jongin was worried, of course he was, but despite his efforts, Kyungsoo wouldn't let him break through his thick shell, leaving him alone with all of his worries and problems. His bedroom was his world now, unmotivated to go out with his boyfriend even if he wanted to. Not that he slept, he rather avoided sleep at all costs, terrible nightmares plaguing the male. Sometimes, he wondered why he was acting like that – was it the fear of losing Jongin to someone else? But why would he stay in bed rather than meeting his love? Kyungsoo was stressed to the max, not being able to understand his own emotions and decisions.

♦

“Kyungsoo, you didn't leave your house in days! Do you want Junmyeon to fire you?“

Silence.

“I know you can hear me, open the door already.“

Silence.

“Alright, you leave me no choice emo man, I'm going in!“

_Thump._

Mere moments later, a boy with a shit eating grin on his face kicked in Kyungsoo's bedroom door, making Kyungsoo jump in response. It couldn't be anyone but Baekhyun, his lifelong friend with energy that never seemed to end. Kyungsoo felt envious of his open personality, how easily he made friends with strangers and how popular he was and even with his seemingly hundred friends, Baekhyun never even thought about dropping Kyungsoo. He might be an annoyance sometimes, but he was loyal, and Kyungsoo dearly appreciated it. However, no matter how thankful Kyungsoo was, he was definitely not happy about the sudden loud noises and leaves on the ground. _How did they get there in the first place?_

“Surprised?“ Baekhyun's playful tone was music to his ears, even if he didn't want to admit it., especially after this dumb act of breaking into his home, but Kyungsoo was more concerned about Baekhyun breaking anything than being angry at him. He tried to, but honestly, it wasn't something he had to worry about for now. Even with his cheerful personality and voice, his mood didn't seem to be perfectly happy, his eyes filled with worry as he carefully stepped towards Kyungsoo's bed. In has hand, Baekhyun waved a bunch of keys which Kyungsoo usually hid under his doormat.

Still being rather silent, Kyungsoo quietly sighed, quickly grabbing his blanket. Hopefully Baekhyun would leave soon, allowing the smaller male to stare at the ceiling for hours once again, but Baekhyun was known to stick like gum if he was serious about something, making Kyungsoo quickly realize that he wasn't going to get any time alone soon.

“Someone's worried about you.“ Baekhyun's eyes met his and his tone quickly swapped from cheerful to serious, a very rare thing to happen with the older male. Immediately, Jongin popped up in Kyungsoo's mind, trying to remember when they last met. Days ago apparently, because Jongin kept asking about Kyungsoo at his work, a fairly small flower shop which was nearby. Almost every day, Jongin would visit his boyfriend after school, always chatting for a while before Kyungsoo's shift was over. At times, Jongin would visit him at home and stay there for a night, but most of the time they'd just get a coffee at a local café. No fancy dates or anything, but good enough to satisfy both of them – and a perfect excuse to spent countless hours with his lovely partner.

“Jongin was waiting for you for hours today.“ What time was it again? Baekhyun sighed at the silent male, before pulling away his soft blanket, much to Kyungsoo's displeasure. A loud yell escaped the younger's mouth before realizing Baekhyun got exactly what he wanted – it made Kyungsoo groan in irritation. “... did Jongin say something?“ Visibly surprised by the sudden question, Baekyhun took a while to anwser. Baekhyun worked part time at the same flower shop and currently replaced Kyungoo, who called in sick for the fourth time in a row now. The older male didn't mind working more than usual, more money for me he always said. He wasn't as good as Kyungsoo and not as passionate at working, but still did well, at least enough to satisfy their boss Junmyeon. Their boss was really friendly and almost father-like, but also strict. Perfect for Kyungsoo, and the only thing he'd change would be his slightly annoying puns and jokes.

It was astounding to Kyungsoo how Jongin still wanted to see his dirty face after ignoring him for days. Not that he did anything too bad, but Kyungsoo knew how it felt to be ignored, especially by someone he dearly loved and he still felt slight pain in his chest whenever he thought of him. But Jongin wasn't his ex – he wasn't the type to simply ignore someone over dumb reasons and even now, being more worried than anything else, he showed his love through questions and visits even with Kyungsoo being absent.

Silence filled the slightly dark room, sunlight blocked by thin, white curtains. All Kyungsoo really cared about right now was Jongin and Jongin only, but he couldn't get himself to just call him. His mind played games with him, calling all of this a betrayal, mentally cursing himself for his selfish behavior. But I didn't do anything wrong, he repeated in his head multiple times and despite his efforts to stay positive, he'd always go back to blame himself. _All I did was staying at home, that isn't a crime, right?_

“.. you're not going to say anything, right?“ Baekhyun groaned, kicking himself back on his feet. Patience wasn't one of his strengths and bearing with situations like these stressed him a lot. Kyungsoo barely relied on Baekhyun for emotional support, as vulnerable as he was, dragging down a friend really wasn't worth it. It was painful to endure all of this alone, not being able to open his mouth and finally talk about his sorrow and worries, however, he couldn't. His mouth was sealed, plummeting even deeper into this mess. A nightmare not close to ending, but how could a simple situation make him feel imprisoned, so lonely?

A sudden loud noise interrupted the silence, high pitched and close to annoying. A ringtone, in other words. Kyungsoo's phone was always on mute, how much he hated loud noises like these. Baekhyun quickly glanced at his phone and without hesitation, he was about to leave Kyungsoo's bedroom. “Junmyeon's calling. Seems like my break is over!“ Another feature of the one and only Byun Baekhyun, always being late and having a longer break than everyone else – much to Junmyeon's anger. Nothing Kyungsoo had to deal with, but seeing Junmyeon throw a small tantrum because of Baekhyun was.. entertaining. Still, it was surprising how Baekhyun didn't get fired yet. “Stop crying like a child, I'm expecting you at work tomorrow!“ With a loud bang, Baekhyun basically crashed the front door in, loudly talking to Junmyeon on the phone.

“Jongin wants to see me..?“ Kyungsoo quietly whispered, pulling his soft blanket over his head. A soft smile emerged on his milky face, filled with hope and anticipation. Something like this never happened, not even his ex cared this much. That was sad indeed, this was usually something normal for relationships, not for Kyungsoo though. Thinking back at his first relationship made him feel like utter garbage, yet those thoughts wouldn't leave him alone. However, just the name 'Jongin' would light up his mood, sometimes enough to get himself off his comfy bed and actually do something for an hour or so. It was crazy how much he depended on Jongin without him being even with Kyungsoo.

After hearing of Jongin's plans, Kyungsoo immediately got off his bed, sprinting into the bathroom to wash his face. His boyfriend would probably be sad if he saw him like that, he couldn't allow that. Besides, Jongin always did his best for Kyungsoo and for once, he wanted to return the favor. Staring into the mirror after days was strange, so different. Dark circles under his eyes, as black as his tousled hair and an expression so tired, which was fairly uncommon for the hardworking male. Spending days in his days in bed, barely doing anything really affected his appearance, a little unexpected but bearable. All of that wouldn't matter soon enough, his love Jongin would come soon to lift his mood. He was excited – what would they do once his boyfriend arrived? Kyungsoo wasn't this motivated in weeks – a feeling he really didn't want to lose...

Kyungsoo stared at the clock without moving, counting the seconds until his love would see him at his apartment. Seconds felt like hours, minutes felt like ages. Playing the waiting game without knowing when Jongin would arrive was stressing Kyungsoo out to no end. “It's already 8 PM.. where is he?“ It was hard to stay awake while laying in bed, and his eyes felt heavier and heavier with each second passing. Jongin could be here after a nap.. right?

♦

_“You're not listening again, are you?“ A jarring voice, filled with anger, always ready to freeze Kyungsoo in fear. Shivers ran down the younger males' spine, quickly followed by a gulp as he leaned against the nearest wall. Another day like this, the same situation happening over and over again. Endless, that's how Kyungsoo would describe it._

_“Are you ignoring me again? Are you?“ A tone so passive-aggressive, close to make him feel inferior in all ways, too weak to stand up for himself._

_Kyungsoo wanted to raise his voice so bad, tell him how much he destroyed him inside, but on the other side, it made him feel just as bad if he'd attack the person he loved. Indeed, he loved this person, the very same person who does all those humiliating actions on a daily basis. Kyungsoo strongly believed he was going through a phase, yet the urge to break free from this living hell got bigger with every single day that passed. He was conflicted, what should he do?_

_“Chanyeol I..“ – “I said, you're not listening again, are you?“_

_The taller male's tone got louder with each word he spoke, his hand reaching out for Kyungsoo's wrist. Grabbing his wirst and pushing it against the wall, Kyungsoo yelped out in pain – why did this happen?_

_“You know what happens when Kyungsoo is a bad little boy right?“_

_Not those words.._

_Not again.._

_Chanyeol's eyes met Kyungsoo's, an expression the younger male would never, ever forget in his life. It will happen once again, and there's no way he could stop it now – it was time to endure the disgrace once more. One more time and it might be over._

♦

“...Kyungsoo!?“

Not even a few seconds later, and Kyungsoo was wide awake, choking on air, his milky face widely covered with tears. Sometimes, he woke up with teary eyes, but something like this never happened, not a single time. It felt horrible, never did he want to experience that ever again. His mind was pure chaos, repeating his dream, no, his nightmare over again, leaving him behind as a crying mess.

“Kyungsoo, are you alright?!“ _That voice sounds familiar.._ “Love, what happened?!“ Before Kyungsoo could react properly, he felt huge arms embracing his sweaty chest, soft fingers quickly wiping away his tears. A face oh so lovely, which only one person had – _Jongin_.

Kyungsoo felt saved, felt so good, forgetting all of his insecurities for a short while. “Kyungsoo.. what happened? Do you want to talk about it?“ Jongin's voice was soft and calm, he felt so save in his strong arms. For a while, none of them spoke a word, listening to Kyungsoo's breathing, who still tried to calm down.

“Jongin, am I really good enough for you? Am I.. listening to you?“ Jongin narrowed his eyes at his last sentence, knowing exactly what he meant by that. Reminding him of old times, which certainly weren't pleasant for both, it made him cringe to the point where he felt anger coming up – but for his boyfriend's sake, he remained quiet.

“Kyungsoo, love. I've told you a lot and if I have to, I'll repeat it every day for you. You're the only person I want to be with, that stupid abuser will never, ever lay your fingers on you beautiful body again. You deserved better, but now I am here, and I love you.“ Jongin kissed his forehead, carefully petting the older male's hair.His short speeches always surprised him, and made him feel special, regardless of his emotional state.

“I can see where you're coming from.. living with a past like that must be really hard. I will help you, no matter what. I will never leave you behind, my love.“

_Thank you Jongin._

_Thank you for helping me to forget Chanyeol._

_I love you._


End file.
